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R is for respect!
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1,623 Posts
Discussion Starter · #1 ·
MEN ARE JUST HAPPIER PEOPLE

NICKNAMES
If Laura, Kate and Sarah go out for lunch, they will call each other Laura, Kate and Sarah.
If Mike, Dave and John go out, they will affectionately refer to each other as Fat Boy, Godzilla and Four-eyes.

EATING OUT
When the bill arrives, Mike, Dave and John will each throw in $20, even though it's only for $32.50.None of them will have anything smaller and none will actually admit they want change back.
When the girls get their bill, out come the pocket calculators.

MONEY
A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs.
A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn’t need but it's on sale.

BATHROOMS
A man has six items in his bathroom: toothbrush and toothpaste, shaving cream, razor, a bar of soap, and a towel.
The average number of items in the typical woman's bathroom is 337. A man would not be able to identify more than 20 of these items.

ARGUMENTS
A woman has the last word in any argument.
Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.

FUTURE
A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.
A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.

SUCCESS
A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
A successful woman is one who can find such a man.

MARRIAGE
A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.
A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, but she does.

DRESSING UP
A woman will dress up to go shopping, water the plants, empty the trash, answer the phone, read a book, and get the mail.
A man will dress up for weddings and funerals.

NATURAL
Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed.
Women somehow deteriorate during the night.

OFFSPRING
Ah, children. A woman knows all about her children. She knows about dentist appointments and romances, best friends, favorite foods, secret fears and hopes and dreams.
A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in the house.



THOUGHT FOR THE DAY
A married man should forget his mistakes. There's no use in two people
remembering the same thing!
 

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Premium Member
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8,144 Posts
hahaha, i havnt seen that before...love it
 

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I ride bitches year round
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1,834 Posts
Negative, no ass bitch...I withdraw anything I have said in this thread except this post.
 

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1,477 Posts
i'm in NO way religious or anything but i have a few buddies this reminds me of

A United States Marine was attending some college
courses between assignments. He had completed
missions in Iraq and Afghanistan .
One of the courses had a professor who was an
avowed atheist and a member of the ACLU. One day
the professor shocked the class when he came in.
He looked to the ceiling and flatly stated, 'God,
if you are real, then I want you to knock me off
this platform. I'll give you exactly 15 min.'
The lecture room fell silent. You could hear a pin
drop. Ten minutes went by and the professor
proclaimed, 'Here I am God. I'm still waiting.'
It got down to the last couple of minutes when the
Marine got out of his chair, went up to the
professor, and cold-cocked him; knocking him off
the platform. The professor was out cold. The
Marine went back to his seat and sat there,
silently. The other students were shocked and
stunn ed and sat there looking on in silence.

The professor eventually came to, noticeably
shaken, looked at the Marine and asked, 'What the
heck is the matter with you? Why did you do that?'

The Marine calmly replied, 'God was too busy today
protecting America 's soldiers who are protecting
your right to say stupid stuff and act like an
idiot. So, He sent me.'
 

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R is for respect!
Joined
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1,623 Posts
Discussion Starter · #12 ·
i'm in NO way religious or anything but i have a few buddies this reminds me of

A United States Marine was attending some college
courses between assignments. He had completed
missions in Iraq and Afghanistan .
One of the courses had a professor who was an
avowed atheist and a member of the ACLU. One day
the professor shocked the class when he came in.
He looked to the ceiling and flatly stated, 'God,
if you are real, then I want you to knock me off
this platform. I'll give you exactly 15 min.'
The lecture room fell silent. You could hear a pin
drop. Ten minutes went by and the professor
proclaimed, 'Here I am God. I'm still waiting.'
It got down to the last couple of minutes when the
Marine got out of his chair, went up to the
professor, and cold-cocked him; knocking him off
the platform. The professor was out cold. The
Marine went back to his seat and sat there,
silently. The other students were shocked and
stunn ed and sat there looking on in silence.

The professor eventually came to, noticeably
shaken, looked at the Marine and asked, 'What the
heck is the matter with you? Why did you do that?'

The Marine calmly replied, 'God was too busy today
protecting America 's soldiers who are protecting
your right to say stupid stuff and act like an
idiot. So, He sent me.'
thats good.i like that one
 

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Registered
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869 Posts
nitrosportman...NICE! its always cool to read something supporting our troops.


but now..to the women..


its funny, cause my boss was actually explaining how women get the split check down to the PENNNNYY. when men just throw a 20 on the table.
also, we discussed his theory on menstral cycles and its effect on 90% of the female teachers out there (he use to be a principal) idk just found it to be a coincidence that i read this post after discussing this with the boss.
hahahahaha
 

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Mr. B (Florida Boy)
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